Six Ways to Overcome Resistance
Once again, that certain “to-do” popped up on my daily task list. It has been there for a long time. Always lingering, but never being addressed. Some days I use the excuse that I don’t have the time. On days that I do have time, I’m just not in the mood. It keeps getting kicked to the next day, and the next, and next. The fact it continues to live on slowly drains my energy but, simultaneously, I don’t seem to have the energy to just do the darn thing.
Have you ever known you need to do something, make a change, address an issue but you just can’t seem to get yourself to actually do it? Even promising you’ll do it “later” results in….no action.
Resistance is the sinking feeling of “I know I need to, but I don’t want to.” This article outlines a few ways out.
Resistance is procrastination’s tough cousin.
Procrastination is passive but agreeable, saying “Yeah, I’ll do it…. later.” Procrastination throws in good intentions along with some lazy sweet talk. Procrastinating is promising ourselves it will get finished…tomorrow.
Resistance is the stubborn sullen teen crossing his arms and saying, “No, I don’t wanna. I won’t. And I’m ready to fight you if you try to make me.” Resistance has an edge. Heels digging in. When we face resistance, it may be really difficult to know how to move forward. It can be easy to push ourselves harder hoping that a bigger shove will knock something into gear.
Resistance can be intimidating.
But for a small, forgotten part of ourselves, resistance is a power move:
I have autonomy. I have decided.
And I won’t.
Even if it’s something good for me.
Even if it’s something required
of my adult self, I won’t do it.
Saying “no” is a simple, empowered decline. As an adult, we have the power to say “no” and face the consequences.
Sometimes when we feel we are unable to say “no” clearly we move into saying “Yes, but also I won’t.”
Saying “I won’t” to something that is required misuses empowerment by giving you the feeling you’ve made a choice. But, in the long run, it’s a poor choice and often becomes a defended choice because of the false empowerment factor.
Like many strategies that come from a small, perhaps younger part of ourselves, we can back ourselves into a corner with resistance. After all, no one is coming to save you. No one else is going to make the sales call, get on the treadmill, submit the proposal, get a root canal at the dentist for you.
And by not acting, there are clear consequences in the future. These consequences are usually things our adult self does not want.
So by living in resistance, we continue living in a situation that isn’t up to snuff and has future negative ramifications. But, we convince ourselves the low grade ongoing pain in the moment is better than the alternative. At least it’s familiar. And the future feels far away. We’ve made our choice.
We’ve all been there.
Whether it’s exercise, updating a LinkedIn profile, sitting down to write a first draft. Resistance creeps in and once it takes root, it can be very, very entrenched.
So, then what? Here are a few resistance removers:
1 / Get ready to get ready
When my friend started working out, he brilliantly decided he’d only DRIVE BY the gym on day one. Day two included parking in the parking lot. Day three included walking in the door, then promptly leaving. But by slowly building up his steps, he managed to start a steady workout routine that has lasted 15+ years including becoming a competitive athlete. A long way from gym drive-bys.
Getting ready to get ready is giving yourself an on-ramp. You’re warming up. You’re slowly but steadily moving forward bit by bit and those choices compound. You’re sneaking past resistance.
2 / Change the mood.
Resistance can have a mood of anger or hopelessness defending a powerlessness you may feel. “I shouldn’t have to! It’s not fair.” or “I’m actually afraid to take action because I know it won’t work. I’d rather be stuck than suffer the pain of failure…” with those moods, who WOULD want to take action? No way!
See if you can try on another mood that opens up new choices:
- Acceptance: “I wish it were different, but here we are. I accept this.”
- Curious Lightheartedness: “I don’t know what will come of my actions. Life is funny. I’ll do what I can, who knows, crazy things happen everyday. Why not me?”
- Ambition: “I’m repurposing this energy to see how powerful I actually am.”
- Non-attachment: “I can’t control what happens. I can’t control other people. But I can control my actions. I’ll take some steps and find out more.”
3 / Define one clear step (with rewards! Always rewards!)
Sometimes we resist because we feel like the task will go on forever. There seems to be no end in sight. Or it will never be good enough. If you are running a large project or managing a team, the work can feel endless and overwhelming.
In that case, define a discrete, concrete task. Make completion radically possible.
- “I’ll write for 5 minutes.”
- “I’ll make two calls.”
- “I’ll do it for 3 weeks.”
- “I will have the least-difficult conversation with one person today.”
Reward yourself for completing your task to start a positive feedback loop.
4 / Expect a positive outcome.
Are you stuck because you believe your action won’t be fruitful? Try on a positive expectation. You haven’t failed at everything in life. Far from it. Yet, when we are faced with new action or taking a risk, we may automatically assume a negative outcome in order to protect ourselves.
So look for contrary evidence…instead of “I’ll never get a new job. No one is hiring!”, try “There are jobs listed on LinkedIn. My friend just got hired. I’ve gotten great jobs before. I’ve got marketable skills. I enjoy work. I get lots of positive feedback and I’m a hard worker. I’m bound to be a great fit somewhere!”
This works best when we start with small, factual observations instead of grand visions of a perfect outcome.
5 / Bring to mind someone you admire.
This one works well for me. I think of one of my mentor coaches that I admire deeply. I imagine her asking me about the situation and my resistance to taking action. Her wisdom and warmth melts the resistance with caring support. Maybe you had a teacher or coach, a grandparent who supported you with care. Perhaps because there was mutual respect, you would want to do your best in their eyes. Maybe they even offer the perfect encouraging word or unspoken belief in you.
This is not a suggestion to do something for another’s approval, but to channel a supportive, respectful, encouraging mentor who might believe in you more than you believe in yourself. If that support (real or imagined) can loosen the hold of resistance, I say go for it.
6 / Put your big person pants on
Adulting is a part of life. In moments, we can level with ourselves.
“Hey, I’m going to be bigger than this resistance. I know it’s not fair, not easy, not pleasant, not fun, possibly a failure, but I’m a grown ass adult and I need to take care of business.”
This works best when we have a straightforward “just the facts” mood. We are able to gently put emotions aside — just temporarily — and take action. Imagine a skilled, kind, adult shepherding a small child with caring firmness. Setting a boundary and clear expectations and consequences.
What’s your resistance costing you?
Where do you find the most resistance in your life? What are you tolerating? What do you know you need to take care of yet continue to feel resentful about this responsibility so you’re responding with inaction?
Ask yourself:
- Is there a valuable message here?
- Do I need to make a clear decline? Say “no” and move on?
- Am I flexing my power in some way? Is it effective in getting me towards my goals?
- Am I generating the results I want?
- What’s the cost of continuing down this path?
- Is the energy used to resist (and continue to worry about) the task draining me more than getting help to take another approach?
Resistance blocks what we deeply DO want
So many creative people I work with run into resistance. The bigness of what they imagine can’t seem to squeeze through the narrow gateway of reality. The fear of making it — and being judged or criticized — is overwhelming and too painful. Sometimes fundamental disagreements about what’s being asked of them make them recoil or react by declining (though, not officially taking a stand for the decline).
We learn to tolerate a lot of low grade pain. We may even be blind to the fact that we aren’t taking action on things that are draining us. We may somehow feel attached to “being right” or “being independent” when in fact we’re scared or hurt. We might feel shame about things we’re resisting.
Resistance is the wall that keep us from what we dream of accomplishing for ourselves — better health, more fulfilling careers, more financial success. Resistance is complicated, rich territory to learn so much about what’s really going on beyond moving to-do’s from one day to the next.
Resources: Resistance toward creative endeavors is beautifully outlined in the War of Art by Stephen Pressfield
