Tolerating.
It began with grabbing the mail.
A few weeks ago, my garden beds had teeeeny tiny grass blades growing up. They looked like little tiny green hairs, a stubble across the garden bed. It was easy to pull out. No big deal.
Walking out to the mailbox, I’d see the stubby grass and repeatedly told myself, “Oh, I should probably pull that baby grass soon.” Soon dragged on. It rained. I had other obligations. I forgot about the baby grass. I had many good intentions about why tomorrow would be the perfect day to do it.
Welp. Grass grows! And not as slowly as you might have been led to believe. Tall grass with deep roots spreads across the space. Pulling it out takes more effort. I need to make sure I get to the root and not just the tops. This isn’t easy as it has had a chance to anchor itself pretty effectively in the ground.
To make matters worse, the grass would soon produce and spread seeds, turning my small problem into a multi-year issue.
What does this have to do with developing a career that matters?
Consider all the little things in your life that you put up with and plan to address “later.” These are the tolerations we continue to endure. At first, they may seem insignificant, like relationships that bother us because we haven’t had crucial conversations or compromises we make that ignore our needs and capacities. Not to mention the energy wasted on procrastination. Notice how each time we consciously delay something, it leaves us feeling slightly drained, adding to tomorrow’s growing to-do list..
It’s not a good feeling. When we are putting off setting our boundaries, cleaning up relationships or taking care of that “thing”, it erodes our focus and our impact.
Little things become big things.
The little bits that “weren’t such a big deal” are now running the show. That little annoyance is repeatedly taking bits of time and compounding the issue. Every time we see person X, we can barely contain our irritation or sarcasm. The commitment that was “fine” is not a painful pebble in our shoe we’re reminded of with each step we take.
We’re exhausted, overwhelmed, can’t focus and become so far off from where we wanted to go. So now what?
Stop tolerating: Reclaiming your time and energy
1. Make a list of what you are tolerating.
List all the things that you know are draining your energy because you are tolerating them.
Your list might include:
- Poor communication — things unspoken
- Poor boundaries — ignoring your needs or capacity
- Allowing mistreatment or disrespect
- Things that repeatedly irritate or drain you
- Broken processes, meetings, reports, systems
- Repeated urgent situations that could be prevented
2. What needs to be done to take care of each item?
🗣 Conversation?
Is there a missing conversation that you’ve been putting off. Even if you have to start with, “This is a conversation that’s probably long overdue, and that’s my fault. But we need to talk…”
Renegotiation?
“I realize I committed to owning the delivery of this project, but because of changing conditions, scope creep, urgent matters, I need to renegotiate.”
Delegation?
The things that linger on your list, may be better off on someone else’s calendar.
Evolution?
Time for a new process, agenda, check in, or report out
3. Commit to taking care of 1–2 things on the list.
If the full grown grass is too intimidating, take care of the little stuff. Once you see how much progress you can make, you’ll have more energy to take on bigger things.
Tolerating cycles our energy and our power away from us. Just like the clutter on our desktops, tolerations tend to add up. No single thing is a big deal but added together, these compromises siphon our focus. Soon, like the grass, the unimportant crowds out what matters most.
